a hopeful + thankful heart

THANK YOU - Thank you all so much for your support the past 2 days as we announced that we are pregnant. Thank you for each and every comment, phone call, and text message we received. Drew and I have had so much fun reading through all of them and have been extremely touched by all of you. Being able to share our news freely has been wonderful and I appreciate all of it. :)

You know, Drew and I have had a wonderful time being married. It feels like just yesterday that we were walking down the isle, saying "I do," and driving away in our car. It has been some of the most wonderful days of my life so far. But then, suddenly, everything changes. And this new little life that we are so excited about brings so much more joy to our lives than we thought possible. In a way, I think we thought our "joy cup" was full. We were so happy with our lives as they were that we didn't think it possible to be any more joyful. And then we got pregnant. And I just can't find the right words to go along with what we are feeling. But oh! - - how much more joy there is to be had!

Now I know this may seem weird, but for a large portion of my life, I really didn't trust my body. I have had several health-related issues happen in my life that have made me seem and feel like an "old person". However, I don't think I really knew how much I didn't trust my body until we found out we were pregnant. Immediately after the initial excitement and thrill, fears and thoughts about how my body "probably couldn't handle it" came to mind. Lies and doubt filled my mind. And I had to fight for those first few weeks. I had to fight for hope... for joy... for trust. It's easy to have bad experiences and immediately close up when something good comes your way out of fear of disappointment and pain. I think I was closing up to the hope of this new life because I was afraid of the pain of losing it. Even though I had no reason to be.

And then I realized that that was no way to live. Living in a cloud of fear prevents you from future joy. And just because my body hadn't proved itself very trustworthy in the past, didn't mean that I shouldn't hope for the future and dream big for this little life. And yes, stuff happens, but God will sustain us through anything. And it would be horrible and sad and unbelievably impossibly difficult ... but God would take care of us even through that. So I need to focus on allowing myself to hope and dream and feel everything. Because I don't want to miss out on this.

I know that this "letting go of fear" will continue to be a battle once the "little one" is born. We will continually have to give up our fears of losing them or them being hurt, but I want to be sure I'm living a life of joy. And being constantly afraid and defensive against disappointments is the opposite of that. Living realistically, but full of joy and hope is where I want to be. I can't wait to share more about our journey with all of you! I'm planning on doing a lot of fun inspiration boards, updates on pregnancy, and probably let you in on some of Drew's thoughts too ;) We are so excited for this journey ahead! :D