things i've learned: dealing with disappointment
This is one of those posts I thought about writing for a long time, but I really hesitated because I didn't want it to come across as sad or discouraging. I don't want that to be the feel of my blog - I want my blog to reflect joy, encouragement, and life. However, I also desire to be 100% real and honest. And there is always hope and a positive outlook in every situation, so I decided to write from my heart and find both the honest truth of how I am feeling and also the hope that we have in all circumstances of life. So, thank you in advance for allowing me to share this with you. I would love to hear your own stories of dealing with disappointment in your life in the comments below or feel free to email me.
I'm the type of person who gets SO excited about things - I'm quick to throw myself into something, quick to be "all in." I love people deeply, I am invested usually immediately, and I have high hopes for others, their life, their potential, and their growth. But, as you all know, life isn't perfect. People disappoint, pain happens, and situations don't always turn out as we hope. If I'm not careful, I will constantly go back and forth between this hopeful, joy-filled person to someone who fears every type of disappointment. Who tries too hard to please others. And who tries to never be disappointed - either in myself or in others. Because I get so invested and hopeful so easily, I also get disappointed easily. It's almost as if I have 2 personalities co-existing within me - one that loves freely and the other that puts up walls and goes out of the way to prevent pain. If I let myself get really overwhelmed, I find myself setting expectations extremely low for others just so they don't accidentally disappoint me. For me, it's not a healthy frame of mind. It's something that I work on every day with the Lord's help.
When I analyze myself, I know that this fear comes from a combination of: 1) my deep desire to find joy and beauty in every situation, to love others and see them fulfill their God-given potential, and 2) my deep fear of that not being actualized.
One day, I looked up the definition of "disappointment" and found that the opposite of disappointment is "hope." I am constantly having to lay my fear of disappointment down at the feet of God and pray for His peace, comfort, and joy. I know that the Lord is my true source of joy and hope, but I had never realized that every time I'm putting up walls or trying my hardest to prevent disappointment, I'm not putting my complete hope in the Lord. I'm not surrendering to the fact that He is the only thing in this world that will never disappoint. I can't count on the fact that people or life will "come through," but I can count on the fact that God will come through. Why? Because He is faithful.
Recently, a lot of life situations have piled up on us. The biggest thing we are dealing with is my husband's employment and the unknowns of that. In a matter of time, everything can change completely. My husband is an extremely hard worker, gifted in SO many ways, and very intelligent - but life happens. And it's really scary. There's a temptation to give into fear, discouragement, hopelessness, and sadness. It's DIFFICULT... I know it's not "third world problems" hard ... and it could be much worse ... but it's still really tough. I am fighting a disappointment with God, with life, and with hopes for our future. I fear we will not be able to afford food, let alone our rent. I am afraid to hope for the things we have been working so hard for - a home of our own, children, a savings account. I start to panic for our livelihood. And then I catch myself. Deep down, I know that all of those emotions are based on fear, insecurity, pain, and an attitude that I don't want to give into.
Over the past two weeks, we've had a lot of conversations about how we are dealing with this situation. Coincidentally, (or not-so-coincidentally), my husband has been reading a book about why God allows pain in our lives. The short answer is that God allows pain in your life to refine you, to make you more like Him, and to remind you of your complete dependence upon Him. Because of this, I refuse to give into fear and discouragement. Through all of our disappointments, I know that God is faithful. I know that no matter what His will is for this discouraging time in our lives, He has called us to have joy. He has called us to not be full of disappointment - but to be full of hope. Because there IS hope. To not fall into a state of self-pity, but to have faith that God will take care of us. We might be poor for the rest of our lives. We may never own a home or be able to afford a retirement plan, but God will provide for our needs. And our story will be perfect because it will reflect God's glory and goodness.
Over the past two weeks, we've had a lot of conversations about how we are dealing with this situation. Coincidentally, (or not-so-coincidentally), my husband has been reading a book about why God allows pain in our lives. The short answer is that God allows pain in your life to refine you, to make you more like Him, and to remind you of your complete dependence upon Him. Because of this, I refuse to give into fear and discouragement. Through all of our disappointments, I know that God is faithful. I know that no matter what His will is for this discouraging time in our lives, He has called us to have joy. He has called us to not be full of disappointment - but to be full of hope. Because there IS hope. To not fall into a state of self-pity, but to have faith that God will take care of us. We might be poor for the rest of our lives. We may never own a home or be able to afford a retirement plan, but God will provide for our needs. And our story will be perfect because it will reflect God's glory and goodness.
When we are weak, He is strong.