time for battle
Guys. I wanted you to be the first to know that I'm preparing for battle. No... I'm not enlisting or turning into Lara Croft from Tomb Raider. I'm talking about a battle over my thoughts. I don't know why, but the past few months I have had a really difficult time feeling overwhelmed and just plain hatin' on myself. It's not cool. And I don't like it one bit.
The battle usually starts with my weight. True confessions: I'm about 15 pounds over my healthy weight. I've been trying to fix it with healthier eating and 30 minutes of exercise 3 times a week, but these horrible mind battles have driven me down and I've allowed them to overwhelm me to the point of making me lose my drive and motivation to accomplish any significant progress. And slowly, the battle moves from being a little overweight to being completely undesirable, ugly, unworthy, and lacking in any true talent or respectable ideas. It's as if, suddenly, I'm not wearing my contacts anymore and everything is really fuzzy. I feel completely lost. As Drew might chime in, kind of like this:
At these low times, I have trouble discerning the truth. And that truth is that I'm a child of God. I am deeply loved and forgiven. I am beautifully and wonderfully made by the hands of God who desires deep relationship with me -- The God of the universe loves me!! I have dreams, passions, and talents that are good. I have a heart for forming strong relationships with my husband, family, and friends. I am ambitious and strategic. I am creative and artistic.
And I can do this. And so can you.
Yesterday, I posted my new year's resolutions and the two theme words Drew and I had picked out for this year as our words. Those words were root and prepare. But, I have one more to add that is just for me. And that word is fortify. It means "to strengthen and secure; to give physical strength, courage, or endurance; to add mental or moral strength; to add material for strengthening or enriching." Guys, this is exactly what I need this year. I need to fortify my mind. I need to build up a fortress around my thoughts so that the negative, life-stealing ones don't get in.
No matter how much weight I gain, or how much I do or don't accomplish this year, or whether or not I ever take a decent photo ever again, I need to fortify my mind with the truth about WHO I AM, my purpose, my passions, and the clean slate of a new day.
You might ask why I am sharing such a personal thing on the internet - a.k.a. the most public place on earth. Well, I know that only when I open up and confront this struggle, does the true healing begin. Keeping the thoughts secret is like adding oxygen to their fire - enlivening and encouraging them to burn brighter and hurt more deeply. Sometimes these things are difficult to admit to myself, let alone others. But, if I don't put them into the light, they are only going to get worse. And maybe, just maybe, there is someone else out there who needs to hear this today or who can relate in some small way. And maybe this will encourage them.
So, I've come up with a list of things to do to fight this mind battle and to fortify:
The battle usually starts with my weight. True confessions: I'm about 15 pounds over my healthy weight. I've been trying to fix it with healthier eating and 30 minutes of exercise 3 times a week, but these horrible mind battles have driven me down and I've allowed them to overwhelm me to the point of making me lose my drive and motivation to accomplish any significant progress. And slowly, the battle moves from being a little overweight to being completely undesirable, ugly, unworthy, and lacking in any true talent or respectable ideas. It's as if, suddenly, I'm not wearing my contacts anymore and everything is really fuzzy. I feel completely lost. As Drew might chime in, kind of like this:
(Okay, sorry. I had to throw in a little comedic relief. This is a heavier post, ya' know.)
At these low times, I have trouble discerning the truth. And that truth is that I'm a child of God. I am deeply loved and forgiven. I am beautifully and wonderfully made by the hands of God who desires deep relationship with me -- The God of the universe loves me!! I have dreams, passions, and talents that are good. I have a heart for forming strong relationships with my husband, family, and friends. I am ambitious and strategic. I am creative and artistic.
And I can do this. And so can you.
Yesterday, I posted my new year's resolutions and the two theme words Drew and I had picked out for this year as our words. Those words were root and prepare. But, I have one more to add that is just for me. And that word is fortify. It means "to strengthen and secure; to give physical strength, courage, or endurance; to add mental or moral strength; to add material for strengthening or enriching." Guys, this is exactly what I need this year. I need to fortify my mind. I need to build up a fortress around my thoughts so that the negative, life-stealing ones don't get in.
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| Original Image Source (I added text) |
No matter how much weight I gain, or how much I do or don't accomplish this year, or whether or not I ever take a decent photo ever again, I need to fortify my mind with the truth about WHO I AM, my purpose, my passions, and the clean slate of a new day.
You might ask why I am sharing such a personal thing on the internet - a.k.a. the most public place on earth. Well, I know that only when I open up and confront this struggle, does the true healing begin. Keeping the thoughts secret is like adding oxygen to their fire - enlivening and encouraging them to burn brighter and hurt more deeply. Sometimes these things are difficult to admit to myself, let alone others. But, if I don't put them into the light, they are only going to get worse. And maybe, just maybe, there is someone else out there who needs to hear this today or who can relate in some small way. And maybe this will encourage them.
So, I've come up with a list of things to do to fight this mind battle and to fortify:
- Make a visible list of my strengths, passions, and purpose. It needs to be somewhere I can read it daily like my mirror or in front of the coffee pot. Seriously, the coffee pot might work best.
- Each time a negative thought enters my mind, write it down on a giant sheet of paper. Then, find a verse from Scripture or a positive truth about myself to replace that thought with and write the truthful one over top of the false one. At the end, every negative thought should be covered with a positive, truthful one. Thanks to my Bible study gals for that tip!
- Read Battlefield of the Mind by Joyce Meyers.
- Conquer this *%$!$@!
Let me know if you have any suggestions or if this is even something you struggle with. I would love more ideas on how you overcome the battle of your mind. I really appreciate each and every one of you and especially for you allowing me to reveal a more personal part of my life. I'm going to keep you updated on the status of my "battle" every now and then, but as always, feel free to chat whenever.